uncertain_dume | From the Roof of the MCA to a GFFA, Wednesday

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From the Roof of the MCA to a GFFA, Wednesday

Kanan was anxious. Had been for some time now, as the summer built up to its grand finale, and now he was finding himself drowning in it a little, between numerous nightmare realities and the would-be execution and Rey vanishing and coming back a Jedi and now Summer, planning to head to Coruscant of all places.

And once upon a time, when he found himself this anxious, he'd run.

Didn't trust himself to come back, if he took off alone.

Had to do something productive.

And so he sent off a text.

Headed home for a supply run before new students show up. You in?

And then he made his way up to The Escape and he waited.

[OOC: For one!]

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"We have kind of reached a point where boring is good," she agreed, a little wryly.

"Honestly," Kanan mused, "even with the pit-stop on Lothal, I wouldn't mind terribly if the most eventful thing to happen to us on this trip is maybe some uneven ground on the landing."

He was setting a high bar here, he knew.

"I don't even want that," Sabine admitted, and just decided to say it. "It's been terrible."

"It's been terrible," Kanan agreed. He sighed. "The whole summer has been exhausting, but the island definitely doesn't do 'grand finales' by half-measures, does it?"

He glanced from the controls to Sabine for a moment, considering.

"How are you holding up?"

Sabine have a little half-hearted shrug in response. "Fine, mostly. Till someone gets too intense about how we can't have normal weeks anymore or whatever, or starts talking about me turning them in."

She knew neither of those things was a big deal, really, but they still bugged, so fine.

That glance was turning into a serious side-eye, right there.

"They... do know that people were under some pretty serious mind-control that week, right?"

Ssh, he could hold it against the Clones if he wanted to. People like Sabine and Tip were different.

"I guess some people bounce back from that sort of thing fast."

And Sabine was really more mad at herself about all of it, right down to this reaction.

"Some people," Kanan noted, "were shocked out of it hard. Or just got lucky."

Okay, so he'd bounced back on day one.

Still.

"Lucky them," Sabine sighed. "Except no one really lucked out on that one."

"Really, they didn't," Kanan agreed. His lips pulled into a wry smile. "Even the people who didn't know anything was wrong at the time have to live with the fallout now."

Totally. Different. From the Clones. Dammit.

"Yep," Sabine said simply, trying not to make a face.

It was fine. All fine.

Kanan considered that for a moment. Watched Sabine a few seconds more, and then mused, "You know, I once spent the better part of a week helping alternate-reality versions of Fandom residents and their giant, evil pet slugs with their plans to end the world at any cost? Spent about a week in a bacta tank after that, and months repairing the trust I'd damaged while I wasn't in my right mind."

"Do you have a habit of doing that kind of stuff normally?"

Because Sabine had managed to end up with two nkt-so-great groups before.

"Not generally," Kanan admitted. And then, after a moment of wondering if he ought to ask, ventured, "do you?"

She almost didn't say it. But she'd stopped just short of telling it to Hera, and she didn't think she could get away with that a second time before it led to a third time.

"Does time at the Imperial Academy count?" she asked.

It totally did.

"I suppose it does," Kanan had to acknowledge. He considered that for a moment, and then added, "but you left."

And didn't seem to be a big fan now.

"It was a nightmare," she said, paying diecial attention to the controls. You know. For accuracy and stuff.

What else did you call it when you unwittingly have the bad guys a weapon to subjugate your own people?

That... really didn't surprise Kanan any, no.

"You know how many people never realize that?"

Most probably didn't have quite the same reasons for leaving, mind.

"Most," she said. "Doesn't make me feel any better about the time I blindly followed along before I did."

For way, way bigger reasons than she was willing to get into ever.

Kanan watched her quietly for a few long moments. And then he nodded, looking out toward the space before the ship.

"It took... a lot more ugly than I care to admit... before I finally decided that it was time for me to stand against them," he noted. "Maybe not the same as serving them directly. The closest I really have to that happened before there even was an Empire, but... there are consequences even in not acting. I buried too many good people before I pulled my head out of my ass and agreed to fight."

She'd kind of done that, too, right up until she'd gotten to Fandom and started thinking maybe that wasn't the way to go. So his words did help with that part of the guilt.

"Does that make it feel better?"

"No," Kanan replied. "It doesn't bring back the people who are dead. Going forward, it might save lives, though. It doesn't change the war I fought, doesn't change that I had some small part in the victory that was used to help the Emperor take control."

The one that had been the end, for the Jedi.

They had more in common in some ways than maybe either of them realized, yet.

"But it gives me a reason to keep going on this path I'm on. Even when all I want to do is go back into hiding, when all I want to do is pretend it isn't my problem. I can't do that anymore. It isn't an option and never will be again."

"So it doesn't help, but it helps," she said. "Hmm."

"Doesn't fix the bad feelings, doesn't change the guilt, and there's no changing the past," Kanan agreed. "But going forward? There's direction. Maybe there's even hope. That's not nothing."

"That's not a bad way of looking at things," Sabine said, even if at least so far she hadn't done a great job of that at all.

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