uncertain_dume | From the Roof of the MCA to a GFFA, Wednesday

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From the Roof of the MCA to a GFFA, Wednesday

Kanan was anxious. Had been for some time now, as the summer built up to its grand finale, and now he was finding himself drowning in it a little, between numerous nightmare realities and the would-be execution and Rey vanishing and coming back a Jedi and now Summer, planning to head to Coruscant of all places.

And once upon a time, when he found himself this anxious, he'd run.

Didn't trust himself to come back, if he took off alone.

Had to do something productive.

And so he sent off a text.

Headed home for a supply run before new students show up. You in?

And then he made his way up to The Escape and he waited.

[OOC: For one!]

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Kanan watched her quietly for a few long moments. And then he nodded, looking out toward the space before the ship.

"It took... a lot more ugly than I care to admit... before I finally decided that it was time for me to stand against them," he noted. "Maybe not the same as serving them directly. The closest I really have to that happened before there even was an Empire, but... there are consequences even in not acting. I buried too many good people before I pulled my head out of my ass and agreed to fight."

She'd kind of done that, too, right up until she'd gotten to Fandom and started thinking maybe that wasn't the way to go. So his words did help with that part of the guilt.

"Does that make it feel better?"

"No," Kanan replied. "It doesn't bring back the people who are dead. Going forward, it might save lives, though. It doesn't change the war I fought, doesn't change that I had some small part in the victory that was used to help the Emperor take control."

The one that had been the end, for the Jedi.

They had more in common in some ways than maybe either of them realized, yet.

"But it gives me a reason to keep going on this path I'm on. Even when all I want to do is go back into hiding, when all I want to do is pretend it isn't my problem. I can't do that anymore. It isn't an option and never will be again."

"So it doesn't help, but it helps," she said. "Hmm."

"Doesn't fix the bad feelings, doesn't change the guilt, and there's no changing the past," Kanan agreed. "But going forward? There's direction. Maybe there's even hope. That's not nothing."

"That's not a bad way of looking at things," Sabine said, even if at least so far she hadn't done a great job of that at all.

"It's been an adjustment. And sometimes something goes ugly enough to make me want to run again. This summer's been doing its damnedest, there. It's easy to lose sight of." He paused a moment. "That was part of my reason for this trip. Getting perspective back. Remember what it is I'm doing it for."

A shrug.

"But it's the best way I've had of looking at things since the war. That has to mean something."

Sabine glanced over at him. "So you're not holding up great, either, you're saying."

It felt like the adults always had it more together, but this summer had been terrible.

Kanan smiled wryly.

"I've had better summers."

Mostly back when he was a child, sure. But the fact remained...

"I've had worse ones, too. But far fewer of those."

"So how's the perspective going so far?" she asked.

"So far? There's a Mandalorian flying my ship," Kanan offered. "That's new."

He paused only a moment before adding, "Putting a little distance between us and the island is helping. The idea of making a supply drop isn't hurting any. It's encouraging." He considered another second more, and then added, "How are you holding up?"

"About the flying or... all the other stuff?" she checked.

"Whichever you feel you can answer," Kanan decided.

Didn't want to push, but wanted her to know that he was here to listen if she wanted to speak some more.

"The ship's fine," Sabine assured him, and considered for a moment before adding, "And it's good to get away for a bit."

Kanan nodded a little. To both things, really.

"Figured this was a good time for that supply run," he replied, wryly. "Breathing room. Normal or not back there right now, too raw is too raw."

"Do you know how much I'm not looking forward to telling a new little sibling about this place this weekend?" Sabine said. "I still kind of wish the island had a face to punch."

So yes! Good to get away!

"I think most little siblings wouldn't believe the important parts, either," Kanan noted. "Nobody ever really expects Fandom." A pause. "It's when they figure it out that the job really starts."

Which was something of a shift in topics, and so he pulled it back again with, "You know, any time you need to get off-world, feel free to touch base. I'm not exactly booked solid these days."

Hell, he wasn't even teaching, this semester. Which he'd regret more if he wasn't currently dealing with the weird emotional fallout of living an echo of the words days of his life all over again.

"I haven't really needed to, mostly," she admitted. The couple times she had recently, there had coincidentally and conveniently been trips to friends' worlds. "But maybe we should make more of a thing of it."

Besides, she actually liked these runs.

Kanan's mouth quirked into a small smile.

"Could set aside a day for it," he noted. "Every week? Every other week? What are you feeling there, Sabine?"

"Maybe every other and we'll see how things go, and how the island treats us?"

Just in case.

"Every other, then," Kanan agreed with a nod. "And we can adjust as we need. Do more supply drops if you're feeling up to it. It'll be good. Maybe we'll even get to throw some of your bombs around sooner rather than later."

Because where there were people in need, sooner or later, there was the Empire to take advantage of what was left.

"Oh, good, don't want them to feel neglected."

It'd been so long.

"Can't have that," Kanan agreed, and grinned.

This felt good. This felt like the wheels had stopped spinning in place. Forward motion.

"In the meantime, let's see how you handle hyperspace."

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From the Roof of the MCA to a GFFA, Wednesday

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