MCA #3, Monday Morning

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan hadn't really intended to last night, but there'd been a dog and a busy work shift and a lot of thinking to do with not a whole hell of a lot of answers, and while his day had ended with him falling asleep on the couch wondering why the hell a Jedi would carry a blaster and hide his lightsaber, this morning had brought a certain sort of clarity to the answer that had led to a good few minutes biting back the rising taste of bile in his throat as the last ten years of his life all caught up to him again.

He was dimly aware that maybe he should check on people. Make sure Hera was doing fine, call up Kaidan and let hm know he had checked back in, mentally. Do the same with Jack and Kitty and see how Eliot was faring after the weekend. But instead he was just sort of sitting on the couch, eyes shut, hands buried in his too-short hair while he quietly reminded himself that Jedi didn't hate, even if in this moment, he very thoroughly hated this island, this morning, and the person he'd become, instead of the person he apparently could have been.

... And his hair.

[OOC: Open!]

Comments

[spectre_alenko]

First thing Kaidan did when he woke up was check on Kanan. He'd check in on Jono later.

He sent him a text, figuring that Kanan could ignore it if he needed to but factoring in his curiosity for at least checking it.

"You need breakfast or anything?"

[uncertain_dume]

Took Kanan a few minutes, yeah.

"I might need something a little more stiff than breakfast."

Shut up.

He didn't care.

[spectre_alenko]

Uh huh. Well.

"Buddy, we don't have that kind of friendship." Unlike Jack, he did go for the low-hanging fruit.

"I can bring juice and blueberry muffins and company, if that'll do for now?"

[uncertain_dume]

Sure, I'll take those, too.

He probably should have mentioned the hair.

... Nah.

[spectre_alenko]

Kaidan squinted at that. Right. Keeping Kanan away from booze today.

He went on a quest for muffins and juice and craft sodas because he was totally a hipster at heart.

"Blueberry or banana chocolate chip?"

The second he sent that, he realized the answer.

"Nevermind. I'll get both. See you in a few."

[uncertain_dume]

Catch you then.

It would give him a few more minutes to just sit on the sofa holding his head in his hands. that was great, right?

[spectre_alenko]

It didn't take all that long and then he was kicking lightly on the apartment door. His arms were full of a big paper grocery bag. Probably best not to ask how he'd bypassed the door at ground level.

[uncertain_dume]

It might have taken Kanan a few moments too long to answer that kick. But, hell, he had to face the music eventually, right?

Looking vaguely shame faced, he opened the door.

[spectre_alenko]

Kaidan saw the hair and bald face and to his credit, said not one damned thing. Because he could see the look on Kanan's face and also knew just how unhappy he was going to be seeing Caleb looking back at him in the mirror.

"Hey," he greeted, "Brought food, juice, and craft rootbeer." That's as close as he was letting you get to actual beer, Kanan. You're welcome.

[uncertain_dume]

He'd take it.

"Sounds like breakfast," Kanan acknowledged, nodding and stepping to the side to let Kaidan in. "Thanks, buddy."

[spectre_alenko]

"Yup," Kaidan agreed. He walked in and put the bag on the living room table so he could unpack it. "They're not Rosalie's but they're pretty good," he sort of apologized. "You want juice or rootbeer?"

[uncertain_dume]

"Let's start with juice and see how it sits for now," Kanan replied, making his way back to kneel on the floor, leaving the sofa free for Kaidan.

Ignoring that he'd wanted to start with alcohol...

[spectre_alenko]

You'd made it through the weekend without a shit-ton of regret and Kaidan wasn't about to let you undo that with alcohol.

Kaidan nodded and handed him a bottle of orange juice. He took in Kanan's kneeling pose. Way too much Caleb right there. "You realize more than one person can sit on a couch, right?"

[uncertain_dume]

"Sure," Kanan replied. "Easier to talk face-to-face this way, though."

If there was too much Caleb in this, he hadn't picked up on it yet, himself.

[spectre_alenko]

"Yeah? That mean you're gonna stop looking at the floor sometime soon?" Kaidan asked gently. "There something specific eating you in my direction or are you still in the processing stage of this?"

Little worried he'd done something wrong over the weekend and messed Kanan up more than he ought to be, because it wasn't like he hadn't before.

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan glanced up, feeling a little bit like the floor was still missing from under him, but managing a wry smile.

"There's a lot of processing to do," he admitted. "It wasn't really another weekend spent as Caleb, but..."

He shrugged, hand moving right up and into his hair again.

It had been damn close.

[spectre_alenko]

Kaidan nodded and pushed a muffin across to him. He didn't expect Kanan would eat it so much as it'd give him something to pick at.

"Yeah, buddy. I know. It all comes back on Monday. This was.. easier, for me anyway. I didn't have to make shit up this time. Doesn't make it great, though, knowing that you'd still be here today. Anything I can do to help?"

[uncertain_dume]

"Not sure," Kanan admitted, gaze dropping again. He reached for that muffin. Was indeed going to pick at it. "They're not new scars. They're still bleeding a little, though."

It had been one thing, remembering who it was he used to be.

It was another thing entirely, knowing who it was he could be.

[spectre_alenko]

Kaidan winced a little at 'bleeding' but that had nothing to do with Kanan and everything to do with his yesterday.

"Do you want to talk or do you want to throw something on TV and not talk?" Kaidan asked, "Or go for a walk? Sit and meditate?"

[uncertain_dume]

"Not sure," Kanan admitted after a pause taken to mull over those options. "I... was pretty content to just sit here and be angry at everything for a bit."

Which wasn't a great look on him and he knew it.

[spectre_alenko]

"Uh huh, but we're not gonna let you do that or you'll just get more upset at yourself," Kaidan said, "So. We figure out something to do, or I default to dragging your ass out for a five mile run."

Which was basically nothing to Kanan and he knew it.

[uncertain_dume]

"You know," Kanan picked at the muffin, "the run might actually do me some good."

This was how you knew it was dire, right here.

"Stance can come along. He'll love that."

[spectre_alenko]

"Eat first so you don't get all fainty," Kaidan teased him, "I'm not carrying you back like a Disney princess if you do."

He would if he had to.

[uncertain_dume]

"I have no idea where Disney is," Kanan reported. "But sure. I'm eating, I'm eating."

Him and his pretty pretty Disney princess face.

[spectre_alenko]

"It's an amusement park south of here," Kaidan informed him, "You'd either love it or you'd run screaming from the big cartoon animal costumes. One of those."