uncertain_dume | MCA #3, Monday Morning

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MCA #3, Monday Morning

Kanan hadn't really intended to last night, but there'd been a dog and a busy work shift and a lot of thinking to do with not a whole hell of a lot of answers, and while his day had ended with him falling asleep on the couch wondering why the hell a Jedi would carry a blaster and hide his lightsaber, this morning had brought a certain sort of clarity to the answer that had led to a good few minutes biting back the rising taste of bile in his throat as the last ten years of his life all caught up to him again.

He was dimly aware that maybe he should check on people. Make sure Hera was doing fine, call up Kaidan and let hm know he had checked back in, mentally. Do the same with Jack and Kitty and see how Eliot was faring after the weekend. But instead he was just sort of sitting on the couch, eyes shut, hands buried in his too-short hair while he quietly reminded himself that Jedi didn't hate, even if in this moment, he very thoroughly hated this island, this morning, and the person he'd become, instead of the person he apparently could have been.

... And his hair.

[OOC: Open!]

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Kaidan nodded and pushed a muffin across to him. He didn't expect Kanan would eat it so much as it'd give him something to pick at.

"Yeah, buddy. I know. It all comes back on Monday. This was.. easier, for me anyway. I didn't have to make shit up this time. Doesn't make it great, though, knowing that you'd still be here today. Anything I can do to help?"

"Not sure," Kanan admitted, gaze dropping again. He reached for that muffin. Was indeed going to pick at it. "They're not new scars. They're still bleeding a little, though."

It had been one thing, remembering who it was he used to be.

It was another thing entirely, knowing who it was he could be.

Kaidan winced a little at 'bleeding' but that had nothing to do with Kanan and everything to do with his yesterday.

"Do you want to talk or do you want to throw something on TV and not talk?" Kaidan asked, "Or go for a walk? Sit and meditate?"

"Not sure," Kanan admitted after a pause taken to mull over those options. "I... was pretty content to just sit here and be angry at everything for a bit."

Which wasn't a great look on him and he knew it.

"Uh huh, but we're not gonna let you do that or you'll just get more upset at yourself," Kaidan said, "So. We figure out something to do, or I default to dragging your ass out for a five mile run."

Which was basically nothing to Kanan and he knew it.

"You know," Kanan picked at the muffin, "the run might actually do me some good."

This was how you knew it was dire, right here.

"Stance can come along. He'll love that."

"Eat first so you don't get all fainty," Kaidan teased him, "I'm not carrying you back like a Disney princess if you do."

He would if he had to.

"I have no idea where Disney is," Kanan reported. "But sure. I'm eating, I'm eating."

Him and his pretty pretty Disney princess face.

"It's an amusement park south of here," Kaidan informed him, "You'd either love it or you'd run screaming from the big cartoon animal costumes. One of those."

"I'm... really not the 'run screaming' type," Kanan noted. Dubiously.

"You're not allowed to fire your blaster at the cartoon costumes, Kanan, not even if it's on 'stun'," Kaidan teased him.

"I don't intend to fire my blaster at anybody for a while," Kanan replied, smiling wryly and pulling a piece from his muffin to stick into his mouth.

Mmm, blueberry.

"Tell me that it's fine. That in a galaxy with hundreds of billions of people in it, nobody's going to recognize me just because I shaved my face."

Kaidan looked over at him. It took him a moment to answer because he knew Kanan wasn't going to really like the answer.

"Having met you at three different ages, I can tell you that Caleb's face is different than Kanan's. Your face as a teenager was rounder and your nose hadn't become the shape it has right now. Your jaw's filled out, even without the beard it doesn't really resemble Caleb's. Baby Caleb's hair was shorn very short. Teenage Padawan Caleb's hair was far more curly. Kanan's hair doesn't have a whole lot of curl to it even this short. About the only things that are the same are the shape of your eyebrows and the color of your eyes."

He ate a part of his muffin. Didn't really taste it. "If you're worried, we could change both of those easily enough. There are contacts that'll change the color of your eyes to whatever you want them to be, though if it were me I'd go darker or mix in some hazel. Changing the shape of your eyebrows is even easier and you could get that done at any salon."

Kaidan took another bite and answered as he'd been asked, "Yeah, Kanan. It's fine. Nobody's going to recognize you just because you shaved your face."

Edited 2019-02-12 15:02 (UTC)

Kanan blew out a breath he hadn't really realized he'd been holding.

"No, that's... that's fine. Those are the two things about my face that I haven't ever changed, and they haven't given me away yet."

Kaidan quirked a lopsided grin at him, "Then you should be fine. Caleb's face was more 'pugnacious little shit' and Kanan's is more 'hawklike stoic gunslinger'."

"Hawklike, you figure?"

Buddy, you practically had a beak on you.

"Well, there's something to cling to, then, while everything comes back in."

"Kanan, have you ever actually looked at your nose in profile?" Kaidan asked with another crooked grin. "Between that and the piercing way you can look at people.. yeah. Hawklike."

"Never really thought about it," Kanan admitted, shrugging. "My face is my face, and just so long as it isn't his face, I'm going to live with it."

Kaidan exhaled slowly and reassured him. "It's not. It's a very good face and it looks almost nothing like your prepubescent face. You're fine, Kanan."

"Good," Kanan replied, nodding slowly. "Good. Okay. Thanks, then."

Heh. Very good face. There wasn't even a danger of that hitting him right in the ego today.

"Is it just the hair that's getting to you today?" Kaidan asked.

"Nah," Kanan sighed. "But that's the easier thing to worry about right now."

"Anything I can help with? Other than hauling you out for a run?" Kaidan asked.

Kanan shook his head.

And then shrugged his shoulders.

Sighed a little.

Ran a hand through that stupid hair of his.

"I need to step back into my training, I think."

"You've been saying that for awhile now, buddy," Kaidan reminded him, "What do you mean by it?"

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