MCA #3, Wednesday Afternoon

[uncertain_dume]

So... it was finally Kanan's turn to inherit the singing monstrosity. Which was almost fitting, in away. After all, he'd 'won' the thing by singing. Monstrously.

Kanan's time with the fish started, probably predictably, with a round of The Song That Doesn't End blaring directly into his mind, followed by a small fireworks display and a sudden vomit of glitter and confetti.

It had gotten worse from there.

He was looking slightly irritated by the time he made it to the door of his apartment, with the fish screaming Sabotage and stinking like pumpkin spice from under one armpit. He'd tried shutting it up by smashing it against a brick wall on the way - a move he'd never admit to - and the fish had healed from the damage.

So. Day one of his week with the fish had officially begun.

He could already hear his dog crying on the other side of the door.

[OOC: OPEN. COME VISIT. WHAT A FISH.]

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[uncertain_dume]

Kanan sighed. Okay, Kaidan wasn't wrong and he knew it.

"It's... It's like what I was just saying," he said, finally. "I've gone a long time without being seen, Kaidan. It sets something off in me, when someone takes notice. Even more when it looks like they're beginning to figure it out."

[spectre_alenko]

"I get that part," Kaidan sighed, "Truly. It's the part where you want to run because you think we don't see you that makes me want to shake you until your teeth rattle. The part that doesn't believe he's the guy his friends think he is, that he's not up to it, that he's going to somehow let us down. That part makes me insane."

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan decided, perhaps wisely, that now wasn't the time to point out that he had a long and storied history of letting down literally everybody who ever looked out for him.

He did manage to look up, at least.

"It's all a bit of a work in progress," he said instead.

[spectre_alenko]

Kaidan was still scrutinizing the concrete. It was fascinating, concrete was. How all the little bits of stone and crystal aggregate rose to the surface as the cement around them was worn away. How the foundation, the strength of the concrete, was revealed.

There were so many things he could say, and Kaidan said exactly none of them.

"What can I do to help? Whatever you need," was what he did say.

[uncertain_dume]

"Do?" Yes, Kanan. Do. People who cared did things like help. He looked at Kaidan for a few seconds, trying to figure out what, if anything, there even was.

More than that, what there even was that he actually felt he could ask for.

The phrase damaged goods drifted through his mind, the conversation about his Master still fresh in his memory.

"Just... don't let me get away with it, I guess." He frowned a little. "You don't have to shake me in the middle of the street, but..." He ran a hand over his hair, remembering at the last moment that raking his fingers through it wouldn't end well. "Just, 'stop it,' and I'll... adjust."

[spectre_alenko]

That was a blatant, if well intentioned, lie. Kaidan was very well aware of Kanan's knee-jerk reaction to being told to do anything.

The thought made him smirk a little. Stubborn bosh'tet.

He wasn't sure which of them he was referring to with that.

"I try not to, but you make it awfully challenging sometimes," he said after a moment, "Especially when I can see that you've just dismissed whatever I've said without even asking my reasoning for saying it. 'You're a good man.' 'Nope.'" He'd had more than a year of mimicking Vega, that 'nope' was pretty on point.

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan blinked, and then barked out a small laugh.

"Am I really that abrupt?"

He couldn't deny it. It was a damn good impression.

[spectre_alenko]

"Yes," Kaidan nodded, "You don't say it, except with your entire face and body language."

Scrubbing a hand through his hair, tiny blue sparks grounded in his skin. "Will you try to do something for me? The next time you get the overwhelming urge to run away from here, will you please try to talk to one of us first? Doesn't have to be me. Any of your friends will do."

[uncertain_dume]

"I... I can do that, yeah," Kanan replied, biting the inside of his cheek. A few moments later, he added, "the last time I tried to run, I wound up coming back and I brought Hera along with me. For what it's worth, I think this island has other plans. But... I'll talk."

...

"Probably badly."

[spectre_alenko]

"I don't care how well you do it, only that you try," Kaidan said quietly, "So that there's at least a chance to talk you back into sense, or, if not, at least to know you're going instead of waking up one day to find you just ...gone."

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan opened his mouth to protest, and found that he didn't have a leg to stand on. So he shut it again and nodded.

"No just leaving. I might take my time coming back now and again. I can't make promises in case anything happens back home, either. But... no just leaving with the intent to stay gone. Sound fair?"

[spectre_alenko]

"Thank you. I know you only have so much control what happens on the other side of the portal, and you've made it clear how dangerous it is for you over there. If you don't come back, I'll deal," he said.

That was so much of a lie it was a little surprising his pants didn't actually, physically, catch fire.

"Wondering if something I said was what sent you screaming on out of here, and then having you not come back.."

That was another story. He couldn't even finish that sentence. He wouldn't deal with that at all well.

[uncertain_dume]

"It would have to be more than that," Kanan said immediately. "There has been more than that, before, and I stuck around. There are times when the things you say leave me feeling in over my head, I'll admit that, but if I haven't taken off yet because of it, I won't."

Really, how did you top the purge, anyway?

[spectre_alenko]

Honestly, do you think he couldn't find something more gut-punchy to say? Because really now. That one was an accident.

It's not like he went and asked a bunch of other Jedi to come train you or anything. Oh. Wait.

Kaidan just nodded. He wasn't sure he trusted his voice just then.

[uncertain_dume]

A well-intended accident could to just as much damage as an intentional attack.

Sometimes even more.

Kanan tilted his head and lifted his jaw a little as he regarded Kaidan for a moment.

"We're good. Okay?"

[spectre_alenko]

He knew. Thus the drinking and sobbing about it. Which he was never, ever going to tell Kanan about.

Or the fact that he'd be doing the same the minute he got home this night. Except this time, if the phone rang, he damn well wasn't answering. It could just go to voice mail.

"Sure," he agreed, lifting a shoulder, "We're good."

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan tilted his head at him for a long moment, considering that.

"You good?"

[spectre_alenko]

"At so many, many things," he drawled.

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan raised an eyebrow.

"And you hate it when I dodge that question." He sighed and shook his head. "Go to bed, you stubborn mynock. You look like hell."

[spectre_alenko]

"You learn best by example," Kaidan said easily enough, "See how frustrating it is?" He scrubbed a hand through his hair again. "I wouldn't say I'm good, but yeah, I'll be fine by .." He paused. It was past midnight, it was technically already morning, "..the time I'm ready to face the day later."

Drinking, sobbing, a nice hot shower. You know. Therapy.

[uncertain_dume]

That was terrible therapy, Kaidan.

"Okay," Kanan replied, sounding... somewhat dubious, but letting it go. "Just see to it that you do face the day later, or I'll have to break in and kick your ass."

He said. With love.

[spectre_alenko]

But it was private, which was the important part.

"You won't have to. I have to open the shop at nine, but I think I'm going to need a date with a giant mug of caffeine at some point."

[uncertain_dume]

"I can respect that," Kanan replied, and then shrugged. "Go on, then. At least one of us should get some sleep, tonight."

As if on cue, the fish started screeching again.

[spectre_alenko]

"That's my cue to get out of here," Kaidan said, walking hastily away from the screaming fish. "Later!"