Kanan Jarrus, The Last Padawan (
uncertain_dume) wrote2018-09-16 09:18 pm
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MCA #3, Sunday Evening
Kanan was in a pretty good mood tonight, all things considered. His day at work had been... not uneventful, but not terrible. The mynocks had been a bit of a hydrospanner in the works, sure, but those had been relocated back into the freezer more or less without incident, and as much as he dreaded the idea that Summer and Sabine were friends now, it was a welcome sort of dread. A fun sort of dread?
Hell, he trusted them both. Sure, he trusted them both to give him a difficult time, but that was an important part of their dynamic.
Or something.
He shrugged as he cut a piece of meat from the steak he was preparing in the kitchen, tossing it casually to the dog who was waiting patiently a few feet away.
"Yeah, yeah," Kanan chuckled, shaking his head at Stance. "I already know you'd help Summer do any crazy thing she wants. She's amassing an army and I'm doomed."
He seemed pretty okay with this, really.
[OOC: Open!]
Hell, he trusted them both. Sure, he trusted them both to give him a difficult time, but that was an important part of their dynamic.
Or something.
He shrugged as he cut a piece of meat from the steak he was preparing in the kitchen, tossing it casually to the dog who was waiting patiently a few feet away.
"Yeah, yeah," Kanan chuckled, shaking his head at Stance. "I already know you'd help Summer do any crazy thing she wants. She's amassing an army and I'm doomed."
He seemed pretty okay with this, really.
[OOC: Open!]
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And rightly so. Stance was the best.
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Poor buddy kept hearing his name. Kanan relented and threw him another chunk of meat.
"As is only right."
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When she straightened up, she sobered and glanced over at Kanan. "I meant to tell you yesterday, but we kept missing each other. I had a couple conversations."
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"Good conversations? Bad conversations?"
This all felt a little ominous.
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She nudged him a little with her shoulder. "He said he needs to get his brain together, and I encouraged him to call you when he does, to set up a time to sit down face to face and talk. Texts aren't the best way of doing that sort of thing."
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"Yeah, I kind of figured that thing, with the texting. Texts are really only useful if it's Summer aiming to traumatize me with photos, anyway."
Texts and trauma. They went hand-in-hand regardless of who he was talking to, clearly.
"Not sure how I feel about the prospect of having a heart-to-heart with him at this point, admittedly."
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She sighed. "I'm more worried about something else he told me, which seems to be part of a worrisome pattern. Apparently Kaidan forbade him from talking to you."
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"Forbade him," he echoed. "... What, after Monday, or...?"
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"I can go talk to Hernando any time I like," he noted. "Kaidan asked me to hold off until he could try to disabuse the man of whatever stupid idea he got into his head about me, and since I'm not exactly in any hurry to talk to him anyway, I agreed."
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She sighed. "The language Kaidan used about you... It's the way people talk about children, or people with head injuries. I know he's your friend, but I worry about that."
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Kanan was quiet for a few moments as he mulled that over.
"I still don't think he entirely understands what it means to be Jedi," he noted, finally. "Tried to use the Order's approach on dealing with emotions to justify his concerns about somebody else, too. Somebody that approach would hardly apply to."
He sighed, leaned his head back, and looked up at the ceiling.
"I did talk to him about it, you know," he noted. "Earlier this week, grasping at straws, trying to sort my head out about all this Hernando poodoo. Told him he was going to have to start trusting me to do the best I can, for myself. For the people around me. I'm not going to deny having scars. Won't even deny that I end up grasping blindly for footholds more often than not. But I've made it this far."
Mostly alone.
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She poked him lightly in the back with a lek. "Not that you've always gotten it exactly right, no, but nobody does. That's just life."
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"That's not... not quite what he's been saying," Kanan noted, glancing sidelong at Hera. "He hasn't told me that I'm failing at anything. Just... pointed out where the damage is. Tried to steer me into addressing it."
... Sometimes with mixed results.
Sometimes poorly.
"We've been talking about how he's been approaching it. He's aware that it needs to change."
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He fell quiet for a moment or two, himself, not sure how much he wanted to share about Kaidan's own situation. He sighed.
"He knows he can't just take me by the shoulders and steer me around," he settled on. "I don't know a hell of a lot of where his head is these days. He's a lot better at picking my brain than he is about sharing what's going on in his own."
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She settled in a little closer. "I know even I can't really understand what it's like to be Jedi, let alone what it's like to be Jedi back home the way things are now. If I ever do anything wrong because of that, I hope you'll tell me." She chuckled. "Not that you're often shy with your opinions."
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Search your feelings, Hera.
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