uncertain_dume | MCA #3, Sunday Evening

Entry tags:

MCA #3, Sunday Evening

Kanan was in a pretty good mood tonight, all things considered. His day at work had been... not uneventful, but not terrible. The mynocks had been a bit of a hydrospanner in the works, sure, but those had been relocated back into the freezer more or less without incident, and as much as he dreaded the idea that Summer and Sabine were friends now, it was a welcome sort of dread. A fun sort of dread?

Hell, he trusted them both. Sure, he trusted them both to give him a difficult time, but that was an important part of their dynamic.

Or something.

He shrugged as he cut a piece of meat from the steak he was preparing in the kitchen, tossing it casually to the dog who was waiting patiently a few feet away.

"Yeah, yeah," Kanan chuckled, shaking his head at Stance. "I already know you'd help Summer do any crazy thing she wants. She's amassing an army and I'm doomed."

He seemed pretty okay with this, really.

[OOC: Open!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Stance would help anyone do anything," Hera said, setting a Coke in front of Kanan and opening her own. "Summer said she'd thought of sneaking the meiloorun into the apartment. I told her she'd probably end up slobbered all over."

"Well, she would," Kanan replied, grinning, reaching for the Coke, and saluting Hera with it in thanks, leaning back against the counter with an easy grin. "I'm pretty sure she's not going to see that as a downside, though. She adores him."

And rightly so. Stance was the best.

"She wasn't really deterred, no," Hera answered, smiling. She leaned back next to Kanan, their sides touching. "If we suddenly find meiloorun in all our cabinets and a pile of drool on the floor, we know who to blame.

"Stance," Kanan replied easily, nodding toward her with a grin. "Stance is to blame."

Poor buddy kept hearing his name. Kanan relented and threw him another chunk of meat.

"As is only right."

Hera chuckled and leaned forward to scritch his ears.

When she straightened up, she sobered and glanced over at Kanan. "I meant to tell you yesterday, but we kept missing each other. I had a couple conversations."

Kanan frowned faintly at that sudden change in tone, tilting his head faintly.

"Good conversations? Bad conversations?"

This all felt a little ominous.

"There's a box of cupcakes in the fridge," Hera nodded at it. "I talked with Hernando. I don't know what's between the two of you, but I know it's been hurting you."

She nudged him a little with her shoulder. "He said he needs to get his brain together, and I encouraged him to call you when he does, to set up a time to sit down face to face and talk. Texts aren't the best way of doing that sort of thing."

Kanan blinked, nudged her right on back, and glanced at the fridge.

"Yeah, I kind of figured that thing, with the texting. Texts are really only useful if it's Summer aiming to traumatize me with photos, anyway."

Texts and trauma. They went hand-in-hand regardless of who he was talking to, clearly.

"Not sure how I feel about the prospect of having a heart-to-heart with him at this point, admittedly."

"I know," Hera said. "I think it would do you good, but you certainly don't have to. I'm also willing to keep getting the cupcakes as long as you want."

She sighed. "I'm more worried about something else he told me, which seems to be part of a worrisome pattern. Apparently Kaidan forbade him from talking to you."

Kanan paused for a moment, brow furrowing faintly as he took in that bit of information.

"Forbade him," he echoed. "... What, after Monday, or...?"

"I suppose so, if that's when you last heard from him," Hera said. "I talked to Kaidan himself on Friday. He told me he wasn't letting you two talk." Her tone said what she thought of that.

Yeah, that tone was coming across loud and clear. Kanan slanted a glance her way.

"I can go talk to Hernando any time I like," he noted. "Kaidan asked me to hold off until he could try to disabuse the man of whatever stupid idea he got into his head about me, and since I'm not exactly in any hurry to talk to him anyway, I agreed."

Hera hummed and nodded. "That sounds more reasonable. If you want to wait, or never talk to him again, that's up to you. As long as it is up to you."

She sighed. "The language Kaidan used about you... It's the way people talk about children, or people with head injuries. I know he's your friend, but I worry about that."

Edited 2018-09-17 13:59 (UTC)

Kanan was quiet for a few moments as he mulled that over.

"I still don't think he entirely understands what it means to be Jedi," he noted, finally. "Tried to use the Order's approach on dealing with emotions to justify his concerns about somebody else, too. Somebody that approach would hardly apply to."

He sighed, leaned his head back, and looked up at the ceiling.

"I did talk to him about it, you know," he noted. "Earlier this week, grasping at straws, trying to sort my head out about all this Hernando poodoo. Told him he was going to have to start trusting me to do the best I can, for myself. For the people around me. I'm not going to deny having scars. Won't even deny that I end up grasping blindly for footholds more often than not. But I've made it this far."

Mostly alone.

Hera smiled at that. "That sounds a lot like what I told him. That you've always been able to rely on yourself, that you need to know you don't need to do it yourself, not that you can't."

She poked him lightly in the back with a lek. "Not that you've always gotten it exactly right, no, but nobody does. That's just life."

Kanan huffed a little laugh and writhed a bit at the poke to the back, and then settled in again, shaking his head.

"That's not... not quite what he's been saying," Kanan noted, glancing sidelong at Hera. "He hasn't told me that I'm failing at anything. Just... pointed out where the damage is. Tried to steer me into addressing it."

... Sometimes with mixed results.

Sometimes poorly.

"We've been talking about how he's been approaching it. He's aware that it needs to change."

"I'm glad." Hera gave him an uncertain smile. "I know you've been hurting lately. I'd just like to know it's a healing hurt, not a harmful one, and that you're on board for it."

"It's forward progress," Kanan assured her. "Now that there's communicating happening."

He fell quiet for a moment or two, himself, not sure how much he wanted to share about Kaidan's own situation. He sighed.

"He knows he can't just take me by the shoulders and steer me around," he settled on. "I don't know a hell of a lot of where his head is these days. He's a lot better at picking my brain than he is about sharing what's going on in his own."

"A lot of people are," Hera said. "Sometimes it's easier to see things from outside. And sometimes, outside is too far away to see things accurately." She shook her head. "That's why I'm asking, and why I told him to."

She settled in a little closer. "I know even I can't really understand what it's like to be Jedi, let alone what it's like to be Jedi back home the way things are now. If I ever do anything wrong because of that, I hope you'll tell me." She chuckled. "Not that you're often shy with your opinions."

"I appreciate your asking," Kanan said, smiling faintly, and then leaning against her with a sigh. "If you ever do anything wrong because of it... of course I'll tell you. But you've been nothing but respectful of it so far. I can't see that changing."

"I try to be," Hera said. She leaned her head against his, one lek curling up behind his neck. "But like I said, everyone makes mistakes. You're stuck with me; that won't change if we disagree."

"That's good to know," Kanan replied, and his arm was slipping around the small of her back in turn. "I predict a lot of me making the mistakes, and you sighing and telling me I'm being an idiot, anyway."

"That's also entirely possible," Hera said cheerfully.

"We've met," Kanan replied, smirking faintly. "You know it's true."

Search your feelings, Hera.

"I also know you're still better than you think you are," Hera countered, smiling back. "And I'm still happy to call you crew."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

MCA #3, Sunday Evening

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject